There was, indeed, a time when I wasn't aware of my own existence. Unlike someone else. My mother. When I had grown into a vague presence inside her body, she had experienced a happy unease that, slowly, surely, turned into the nine-pound baby that I was. Years have flown. Have added another nine pounds to become a man of the 'fragile: handle with care' variety. Whenever the first lady in my life looks at me even today, I can feel a sense of triumph in her eyes. Those eyes, large ones, speak an eloquent language of affection-laden silence. They tell me what a woman can do, but no man can. Mom gave birth to me, like countless other ladies since the beginning of time. Can any of us guys, the male guys I mean, replicate that miracle ever? If not, how the hell did that phrase 'man's world' come into being?
As I get stuck in a mental quagmire, seeking the unanswerable, several images of the other ladies in my life come to mind. Like all men, including those cursed by the inability to be grateful, I adore my mother. Then, there is grandma, the great dictator who has exercised unbelievable power over everyone else in a large family. If mom is simply lovable, grandma is incomparably scary.
When the old lady had played Emma Wodehouse and ventured towards matchmaking, she had ended up voting for the wrong guy who ruined a woman's life. When she used to serve tea with salt to my grandpa years ago, he would look at her with a weak smile and drink half of it before grandma realised her fault while sipping hers. When a relative of mine had wanted to marry a girl he loved, grandma had vetoed so emphatically that the fellow didn't utter her name in front of her ever after.
So what if grandma had made a devastating blunder while endeavouring to choose the right guy for someone? That women seldom erred but men always did was her life's operational mantra. It still is, and one must add that her analysis isn't particularly wrong either. Whenever we try to communicate our thoughts about life, we are dependent on our experiences with fellow human beings, if not guided by a hypocritical motivation to sound like someone else. The latter, a conscience killer, has spawned a few moments when I have hated myself. But, all I can say is that I have tried hard to be honest, which is not saying much, yet which is why 'man's world' is a silly chauvinistic thought I can never ever comprehend.
After all, what about the divine gift of motherhood that no man 'should' have been born with? What about my grandma, whose acceptable version leads to each and every woman, who guides the course of men's lives ever so subtly? What about many lady colleagues I have come across, whose ability to strike a balance between personal and professional lives is as natural as it is amazing? What about my former girlfriend of many years ago, who had dumped me because of my chaotic lifestyle? What about my could-have-been girlfriend of a few years later, who remained just that and no more for the same reason? What about all those ladies who have taught me so much without being ostentatiously didactic, a crippling foible which many men simply love to show off, making an ass of themselves? Inhabiting a woman's world, the biggest failure of most guys is that they don't know how powerless they actually are. That's funny but not surprising, considering most men still don't know the difference between having sex and making love.
(This column had appeared in Femina)
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