THE TRUTH IS THAT I LIE!

BY PRIYANKA SINHA

Not tonight, darling, I have a headache.

When it comes to high life, dahlings, I promise you it just won’t work. It’s well, uh, so plebian. It was an accidental discovery of course. In bed with a runny nose and running high temperature, I made the big blunder of citing the real reasons for missing a la-de-dah caviar and champagne sit-down affair. The pause at the receiving end was long enough to imagine that the gracious hostess had swooned. It was, I figured, not so much the anguish my absence might have caused but the oh so LS alibi put forth.

It was an enlightening moment. I wasn’t in a lotus position under the Bodhi tree but I swear, I saw light. The truth dawned upon me. It is important sometimes to tell people what they want to hear. And I haven’t looked back ever since. Killing off frail old relatives to skip a gala event is a strict no-no. I’ve graduated to far more sophisticated excuses. “Oh dear, what a pity. I’d have loved to come but for this sudden visit to Delhi. There’s a dinner you know and they really do want me to come. A crashing bore if you ask me but a girl must do what she must.” For the more adventurous, the world is your oyster—take your pick—you could be in Paris, Bahamas, Monaco, Athens, Milan or wherever you choose to be. If not much of a traveler, a meeting with somebody frightfully important strikes just the right note particularly if it’s Frangipani or Indigo. However, having said that let me warn you -- this twist-the-truth game can be dangerous. Particularly if you have a tendency to get carried away by your own falsities. Trouble with excess grandstanding is that the lie can be spotted. And then you have to do it a certain way to lend credence to the lie.

The con job didn’t come easy to me there were the initial hiccups but once you crack the code, it’s smooth sailing. Salient rules include speaking with confidence even when uttering the most outrageous falsehood. Most people usually turn stone deaf once you have declined an invitation. Reasons, particularly genuine ones don’t count, writing about it does. While realism is all very fine, don’t go about telling people that you’d have been at the midnight jamboree if not for an ailing parent, child or dog. It’s all the same for them. Instead a clever “Honey, I am just on the way back from Alibaug and am so totally exhausted. Can’t turn up looking anything less than splendid for your big day, hmm? This is really unfortunate and I so love your parties but I’ll send across the photographer.” The trick is to assure people that they are going to be written about. As for the reasons, frankly speaking my dear, nobody gives a damn.

Bee Gee’s Note: The editor of Society, Priyanka is good with what her name shortens to: which is, pranks. An even bigger gift she possesses is her extra-ordinary ability to crack sad jokes.
Briefly, she loves to laugh at her own wisecracks while the world around her cries non-stop.