BY BISWADEEP GHOSH
What's new about the new year? Except the calendar, that is? Why the hell do we meet up, party hard, come back home fatigued late in the night and go to work late the following day, faking illness that isn't real?
You could call it cynicism. But this year in particular, I am feeling absolutely miserable while knowing that I might have to meet up with my friends, and not-so-friendly acquaintances lest I am called anti-or-un-social depending on who is using the phrase to explain my disappearance.
Is disillusionment a part of mental growth? Am I turning into Upamanyu Chatterjee's Agastya Sen because of what I have seen, experienced or simply heard? Why am I talking sainthood when I should be living it up because, as they say, we have just one life?
Am thinking of the rains that mauled Mumbai, leading to a phase of transient Communism in the city. Everybody was struggling. Everybody was thinking: who next? We? Am thinking of Katrina, of tsunami, of those millions of families that got devastated. Many, for eternity.
Saw a Santa Claus yesterday. Not Santa himself, but a Santa, smiling away on the streets, a portrait of optimism. What was going on in his mind while he grinned from ear to ear at the passers by? The fellow was thinking of the cheque he would get from his employers in a day or two.
Thousands of people will be out on the streets soon. Balloons, cakes, cards will invade lots of houses. Free e-cards will find their way into the mailboxes. Gifts, and return gifts, will be the flavour of the season.
But I will stay away from any such celebration. Because of some mysterious something, am not feeling up to it. Have lost nobody I know. Haven't had much trouble in life either. Am comfortable with what life has to offer. Am responsible for my decisions, so have no regrets.
But I will stay away. For sure. And while I write this, I guess I know why. Many people wanted to celebrate 1st January, 2006. But they cannot. For, they died this year.
My new year will be a tribute to the memories of people I never knew. That, since they were like you or me. Each working hard, celebrating moments, till nature's omnipotent arms engulfed and hurled them towards death.
If you are a believer in God, you might pause to think what made the Almighty so indignant. If an atheist, you might try to rationalise in diverse ways. Yes, you can explain death whichever way you want to and, if not, just call it a mortal inevitability. But, isn't 2005 a really tragic thought for many who continue to live and think of all that they lost?
I know none of them. But, like the ones who lost their lives, they are also like you or me.
1 comment:
You're right, Bish, 2005 has been one of the worst years in living memory. There's not a single person I know - and not a single ideological persuasion I'm aware of - that hasn't felt the hand of the Angel of Death on her/his/its shoulder. I'm not celebrating, either - not publicly, and with no dunce-caps and bhonpus blaring like pachyderm farts all over the city. This has been a Pleistocene year. You know that I'm an atheist - but, yet, I feel the sly tread of a secular eschatology behind me. I agree with you that hoping that matters will change for the better after the New Year - After all, what has the Gregorian calendar got to do with change? All it does is break up Earth's revolution and rotation into comprehensible math. Is the end nigh? Fuck knows. The only consolation is that we're both depressed by the scheme of things - so we can be morose together, you in Pune and I in New Delhi. Welcome to the Brave New World.
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