WAS AT HOME DAY AFTER TOMORROW...

BISWADEEP GHOSH

Shocked by the headline? Was, and day after? Sounds comically nonsensical, isn’t it? It does, till one fine day you wake up and confront life with its gift-wrapped bag of tragedies that assails you just any about anytime, anywhere. Time shrinks such that a day ends in a minute, a yesterday turning into a today with the guarantee of becoming a tomorrow very soon.

Sitting in a contemplative mode, my mind returns to that phase of my life when the clock’s palms used to turn with maniacal glee. About four years ago, I remember sitting inside my office in Mumbai, oscillating between writing and editing, editing and writing, writing and editing, editing and writing…God!

A book was being published with another waiting to be written; an 8000-word magazine article needed to be trimmed to an end product with 7,000 less words; another article needed to be written by yours sincerely, a short one of about 2,500 words: such a life was a creation of my choice as always. Did I meet all my deadlines? Mostly, yes. Sometimes, no. Did all those who knew me know what I was up to? They did not since they couldn’t have. Madness can be identified but not understood, you see.

I had lost sight of tense. Obsessed with the thought of seeing another book on print seemed so alluring – and, seriously, I don’t know why – that I went on and on like a typewriter high on dope. When I stopped to breathe, I checked how many words needed rewriting. When I relaxed, I rewrote chunks of what I had already written.

Everything must end. And, so did the books, one after the other. What was it that stopped me from writing one more, and another, when I was a lucky rarity who had scope on a platter? More than the fact of being stressed out, I guess I had realised that writing just about any book wasn’t a great idea. Some of these books did enjoy commercial success, but they were incapable of satisfying anyone who could stretch a little bit more to deliver a little bit better. Writing star biographies wasn't fulfilling when one realised that the stars continued to shine well after the books on them had lost their glitter. At least, the average one surely did.

Does that mean I will deliver a classic some day? Definitely not. But I thank God for giving me the courage to leave that life. For, if I hadn’t, life might have left me for good.

As I say that, today is today right now.